Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
