i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
