I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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