Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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