i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
