I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
