Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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