Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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