he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
