I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
