who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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