you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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