I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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