The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
