Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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