i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
