people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
