Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
