Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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