i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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