So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
