I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
