If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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