I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
