sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
