Sry I called you an 8
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
