I'm gonna have a badass scar
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
