there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
