If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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