Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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