You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
