i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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