drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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