we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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