Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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