If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
