i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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