I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
