I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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