Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
