i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
