In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
