guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize