I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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