just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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