Non-Jews are for practice
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize