so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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