dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
