so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
