just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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