hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
