he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
