yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
