I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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