Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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