So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
