i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
