smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
