Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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