I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize