A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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