I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
