So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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