Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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