You made me cry and you don't even care
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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