pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
