i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
