Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
