When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
