they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
