This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize