I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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