Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
only if we run a train.
done.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
