he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
