ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I fill condoms, not promises.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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