Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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