Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize