Im at strip club and am horny
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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