Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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