Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be

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(631): View more from New York

Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s

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(585): View more from New York

there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer

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(406): View more from Montana

just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime

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(616): View more from Michigan

I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.

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(406): View more from Montana

Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.

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(512): View more from Texas

Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me

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(607): View more from New York

I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.

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(216): View more from Ohio

My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.

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