just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
