Soap is not a condiment
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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