Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
