smell my finger.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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