my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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