Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
