she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
