why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
