Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
