My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my poor anus
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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