we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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