I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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