How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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