as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
