sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
