I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They took my balls.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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