You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
