The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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