he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
