It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize