I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
