I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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