i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
