Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
