I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
