So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
