im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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