2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
