How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
