My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
