hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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