Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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