I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
