If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
