i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
