whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize