before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
