In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize