dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
