woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am available for nakedness
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
